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Emotional dishabille in a relationship

walking-away

Just a thought-

You ought to realize that if you fall for an atrociously self-centered person, it would only be you in the any kind of relationship, forever.

Dia, “Justin, so this is it between us. Isn’t?” There was no response from the other end. Dia hung the call. There was nothing left in that relationship to hold on to like rest of the relationships that break due to immaturity and different priorities in life.

Dia and Justin met exactly 11 months ago in Paris, the city of love, for an exchange student program. Being from the same country, they didn’t take long to get along well. It was such a treat to eyes to look at people like this together. So full of vitality and exhilaration. But did these two know that it would turn “complicated” to “ugly” to “dirty” to “agonizing pain” in the days to come.

Dia is one such personality, who doesn’t care about the societal norms when she genuinely cares for someone. This “genuine care” has taught her innumerable awful lessons what not to do to herself. However excruciating the pain is, she never learns. Now, that is why this is called a “habit” for her. A habit to hurt herself. Especially when she has an expedient option to hurt others to uphold herself from getting hurt. Justin is a “guy”. A very celluloid personality. Doesn’t think much before doing things even if others are going to get hurt out of it. He is lost most of the time.  Unequivocally, wrong for each other. Still circumstances brought them together.

Anyone who saw them together thought they are a couple. “Bull crap” was the reaction from both the sides. They enjoyed each other’s company. Studying together, shopping, casual roaming, phone blahs and a lot more. But little was known to both of them that one of them is taking all these too seriously than the other. Justin was stuck somewhere and he couldn’t reach Dia over phone one day. Dia almost had a panic attack. That is what we call a “reality check in a relationship”. She started feeling jealous, protective and possessive over him. Basically, all those adjectives that jeopardises a beautiful friendship. Wait, not exactly friendship, but something more than friendship and less than a relationship carved by Justin with little effort from Dia.
She knew what to do and she did exactly the same. Sadly, it didn’t help much. She took a break from this claustrophobic relationship. She finally understood the necessity of breathing space. Justin was not moved even a tad bit by all these. About her, about what she feels. It was a causal friendship for him. There was a point when she intoned to him that, “Justin, I miss those phone calls. I’m so used to it that I can’t be without it. Take it in the purest form possible. Don’t get me wrong. I know I shouldn’t expect. Just that I enjoyed them.” This didn’t help to stop the drifting away from each other process. He was baffled as always. What and why is this happening? He was absolutely fine with her not talking to him. People, who heard this, pitied Dia. It’s her fault. She should have known this is how it is going to be.

One fine day, Dia thought of talking this out to him. Now that she was sure of what she was feeling for him. Over one such random conversation, Justin made it very clear to her that he cannot see a friend as his girlfriend. First point screwed. Second, he also mentioned it to her that it is not a big deal to talk to someone on a daily basis. How does it matter? I can do it with anyone I want to. Nothing special about it.  She thought, “Amazing”.

Dia never wanted a relationship from him. She can easily get over that “love on him”. It was all about “her special space” in his life diminishing because she knew he was pretentious that she has started feeling for him. But, why?

In the days to come she felt the importance of her in his life. He was using her for his own good. Poignant sustenance. Just to while away the time. This experience gave her an agonising frantic emotion within her. Dia, to herself, “He spoke to me when he wanted to. He spent time with me when he wanted to. When I asked for a bit. There was a problem. When I demanded, he moved away? Really? He just like that left me behind? Where is that care and concern that he claimed of? He never thought how would I feel about it. This relationship had two people in it. No one can force anything on the other. Today, I get it; it was only me who was there. So, when your best friend falls for you, what you do? You leave her behind and give her place in your life to someone else or just be with the void if at all it is there.”

She was also questioned, “Did I ever get physical to you or did I ever tell you that I see you as my girl”. She thought, “what about the emotional attachment in a relationship? Why is that only physical nudity matters in a relationship and not the emotional nudity?”

Dia cannot handle fake emotions and fake relationships. Unfortunately, that is all she encounters. It is not about the love, it was more about the friendship she shared with him. He didn’t care to stand by it. She cried over it to build the bridge. Time to move on. She learnt it in the hard way that anyway life shouldn’t be wasted for self-centered morons like this.

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About priyagnanasekaran

A girl who has fought a lot of aspirational battles. I’m of that kind who has seen veracious set backs at every step and yet had the perseverance to hold on to oneself hoping to see light at the end of never-ending tunnel. Fashion designer and Retail business professional by qualifications. Painter and writer by passion.

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