Just a thought –

Someone’s inhumanity can empty you of your sanity


She writes:

We, humans often overlook other’s inhumanities that are not actual crimes in the eyes of society.

May be, is that the only coping mechanism we have managed to figure out after seeing and going through varied struggles in our day-to-day life?

“Overlooking”. As it is rightly said, ignorance is bliss.

We are so adrift in gaining success, money and other types of worldly things that one has lost the eyes to look at what they do to fellow humans in the urge to move forward in life.

There are people who could do anything and everything for their own good. Being selfish is a form of self-love. However, self-love at the cost of harming others is atrocious. What is flabbergasting is the conviction. They are completely blind towards what the other person is subjected to because of their actions.

Some leave a bleeding person on the road to die, some derail another person emotionally to beat their loneliness, some empty a person of their innocence for physical hunger, some trade trust to fake promises and there is no end to this “some” lists.

They are very common and most famous “moral crimes”.

Are they being brought up to be blind towards moral crimes? Do you tell your loved loves to be so?

Don’t you feel guilty of his demotion because of your lie to your boss?

Don’t you feel guilty of promising a future to him when you know you are going to walk away?

Don’t you feel guilty of stealing his project idea and present it as yours?

Don’t you feel guilty of making love to her when you know that you are flying to U.S. tonight forever?

Don’t you feel guilty of saying I love you to her when you have your wife waiting for you at home?

Don’t you feel guilty of hiding this from the girl who is dreaming of a future with you?

Don’t you just feel guilty at all, mankind?

If you have been taught to stamp on others to move forward in life, then you were and are still in awful hands of your so-called parents. Any parent, who cannot make their kid differentiate between self-love and inhuman behavior, fails to do their duty as one.

It is not about being judgmental on your behavior. Wrong and right are extremely subjective. But moral crimes are not about wrong and right. They glow with their characteristics for you to identify it.

If you dare to have peace of mind irrespective of your inhuman behavior, hats off to you. You have learnt and nurtured to be a bad person.

 My count of meeting bad humans adds up to 3 – counting you in.

*Silent sobs*


Moringson Crescent


Her trust was traded for fake promises. She lost the ability to sense the word in true sense – TRUST…




Just a thought –

Love is a malady but a picturesque one

guy hugging her.jpg 

Those innocent looking eyes; Just in that moment, it sank in; they are mine.

She had to make the most crucial decision of her existence. Eyes wobbling along with the hands; Twigs of hair on her face tweaking its path with the wind;

She had to choose between loving him forever and abiding herself.

She heard the voices of people in her head telling varied things about him, what they share and what he is capable of doing to her. Her body shuddered with the thought. But, they became noises in the background.

These are the people who care about her. All that she was able to hear, see, sense and feel was his eyes.

There have been moments of shrewd pain in the relationship. Relationship? Her thoughts froze with the word, relationship…

Was it even one? She did manage to answer it. Indeed, relationship. An enduring one that doesn’t quaver with any damn thing. How is it even conceivable? She kept speculating.

She had the answer.


She knew he was very toxic for her. This, the thing that they share would destroy her. Not a quick one. But an excruciatingly slow and painful destruction. Because, it is love. His words. His deeds. His gestures. It all hurt her beyond her ingenuity. That was the métier of her love for him.

However, she knew, after all it passes, she would have his arms around her always to hoard her from breaking, from shedding, from weathering, from drowning.

Every single time he was there. Eloquently or naïvely.  

She stood there; wide eyed, tears promenading down. He was hurting her. With his words. He had his wrist holding hers so snugly that it was leaving a mark. It was turning bluish red.

She was looking deep into his eyes.

Those innocuous looking eyes; Just in that moment, it sank in; they are mine.

He, in that second, discerned those wide eyes ogling at him. His wrist loosened to become tauter. In a jiff of a moment, he pulled her into a hug. The hug that had the power to drench her soul with cordiality of a mother hugging a petrified newborn. His hands, gently but carefully caressing her back calmed her down.

His warm tears wet her shoulders. He whispered, “I love you”.

Flouting makes the relationship stronger. She knew, this was meant to be. This was real. The forever one;

They were indeed meant to be forever.


5.30 pm GMT

Millennium bridge


Author’s note:

She had overwhelming tears that she kept wiping with tissues. And he was there still hugging her. They were in their 80’s. Proud parents of 3, grandparents of 6 and great grandparent of 10.

Undying love it is.  The one you could die for.


The taste of love…

Just a thought – 

People who do not use others for their own good is becoming negligible.



She looked into his eyes. She knew I’m too much in love.

Another mistake.

She opened up, “The beautiful feeling that blossomed within me was a deception. I met a man during his debauched phase in life. I was a seraph who could change his life. He saw I had love in my eyes. For him. The prodigious type of love.

After repetitive times of me voicing, I cannot do this. I’m not your friend. He, very diplomatically, got into a relationship that has no name.”

“It is not love. It is not friendship.”

She continued, “I felt misled yet again in life. I, of course, loved him and cared for him with my own wish. Unswervingly. Just didn’t fathom that he is delusional. I was assuming that he needs time to voice anything. Whatever it is. But I never knew he had planned it very clearly. That is what it seemed from our last conversation.”

With a long distance gazing,

He said, “ I do not need all this anymore. I’m stable now. Moreover, I never told it is a relationship. Why did you feel that way?”

Her eyes widened.

He said, “I should not have given myself absolutely to you during crunch. That was a mistake. I should have been able to handle myself.”

A drop of tear was at the corner of her eyes.

He said, “I was never comfortable hugging you. It was me who stopped it.”

She said, “ Stop.”

She had this habit of hugging him and kissing on his forehead whenever he leaves for the day. He used to beam with happiness after that kiss.

She kept pondering. Was I blind?

Practically speaking, he is at no fault. That is how the world is. The intensity of his deed is very less. But the person who was involved is a broken wreck.

You don’t tell to random people “I’m your responsibility.”

She took him too seriously because love means the world to her.

Things left within her was given to him. There are other people in his life to take her place. May be she was just a convenience factor. Now, there is no need of her.

She did voice, why these 3 months? What did I gain out of it?

His reply was astounding; “You got to spend time with the person who you love. Isn’t that a great thing?”

That very minute, she knew he was a stranger to her. She never knew him.

 It is not a good feeling to be used when needed and been thrown away mercilessly as it has become a discomfort.

Her last question to him ” Will you miss me?”

He replied, “Yes and understand this is not easy for me too. Letting you go.”

She smiled at his fakeness. 

She left him. And this time it is forever.

He told he could take care of himself.

He let her go.

She locked herself harder this time.

People are so busy using others that they even cannot see the damage they do to the other person – The world for us.



Platinum City

Portebello Road




It is not about “not being able to move on”. Sometimes, people do not find the obligation. Love happens. One cannot plan to fall in it and fall out of it. In my opinion, love brings a sense of serenity and wholeness to you. People, who cannot be with that love, feel content in that phase of their life. And one chooses to stay in that phase. Because you and that phase are met to be. One such phase happened to me. One such love happened to me. That wasn’t the perfect phase of my life.

Precisely, that phase, that love taught me life. Showed that part of me that I never knew subsisted. Well, that part of me turned out to be the worst bit of me. But, that was the “ought to” in life. Irrevocably, I felt content. That love, made me feel complete. But, due to barred reasons, I was only left with the memoirs of that crucial phase of my life.

I’m one of those out there, who was denied to those memoirs as well in various forms. I will never forgive nature for that. Well, I suppose, nature doesn’t care too about my forgiveness. I do fight against the nature to keep those memories alive.


Her laughter fades out…


A single lady in her 40’s

Alzheimer’s patient

NHS South West London

United Kingdom

Cross Roads


It is that time of the year, dewdrops, autumn leaves, lush colours and jaunty people around. You feel glee all around you and hence within you. She was speculating, can it ever, again be within you, hence around you. That seems a light year far behind. At a given point of time, at least a lakh people are contemplating with something or the other in life. You can find her in all of those every point of time. She hurtles happiness. In the search of prevailing happiness, she has lost quite a bit. She could never fathom herself.

Stumped to herself is her forte. Life seems a skirmish. In the busy hush of putting a bright smile on her face, the famous fake one; she forgot what is her reality and what is her fakeness. It all seems to have crossed the road, the famous road. Walking, running, crawling, driving, crippling and what not. The road has seen it all. And of course, there is more to come. But you know what, the road has picturesque imagery. Extremely irreplaceable to herself. After crossing a bit of her never-ending dark tunnel, I think she has found her next milestone. Worthy or depraved? Yet to be figured out. Is it another one of her astounding fiascoes or is this the one for which all hurtles and cascades was for?

Her lovely full lips curved a bit with this thought. The last time she thought the same; she was at the verge of death. Though she quivered the thought, she didn’t stop herself or should I say she couldn’t stop herself. Thou are Love. Because love doesn’t let you to. Whatsoever. Her eyes shifted from the swans of the serpentine lake to the guy walking across in the grey jacket. Breeze burnt her skin a jiff. She could feel her body warm up. The cosy love one. He waved at her with loads of love in his eyes. Those smiles and eyes, damn, those made her cross all her inhibitions. The irrefutable love oozing out of them, she could die for. She was all set for the new lessons of her life. Was she?

Their fingers weaved together. They started their walk together around Hype Park. They were endowed with love, just love.


12th Feb 2017,

Hyde Park, England,




sad girl

Swirl of a wind!

I, sometimes wonder if not the twirl, will I be where I’m right now? It’s a positive or negative thought, if known, good. But I will never know till I see deep through it. The fear to see through the depth, keeps me going. Why do I get up to the dawn everyday? The same new dawn, which I, once was so obdurate of not indorsing. I have stopped questioning. Where is that creepy voice that would just not shut? Is it natural or it is all in my head?

She wondered, Am I in a better place or not? Having come so far from the pain, guilt, ruins, screams, grey, ashes and what not. She couldn’t answer the question for herself. Who would if she can’t for herself? That minute she saw the wave of an innocuous kid standing under a construction site. May be her parents work there or she works there, she speculated. That “swirl of wind” through the tiny fingers became a habit, the kid waving her and she waving back subconsciously. Aren’t relationships really uncanny and eerie? The same relationships that she was running away from, the same relationships that made her cut all ties with her inner-self too. Here again, subconsciously she edifices another one with the blood and flesh.

Some people never get it, even in the cruelest way. The wave was lost. It was not just a wave; some kind of serene push for her to go past her own built walls. Frantically, she got down from her car, asked the people working in the construction site about the kid. Brazenly, she was not able to even describe the kid. Her features, colors of the dress, her height, nothing. All that she could reminisce was she used to wear one anklet on the leg and the gush of twirl. She was again in the middle of the whirlwind within. Was it again a piece of her mind? If yes, why? She sank in her past of getting attached to extraneous people.

This could fade away one day. That one day, she might understand her need to express love. It was beyond mere a need for the soul.




Just a thought –

Isn’t love the most overrated emotion? A word coined by humans and said to be existing in this world – How convenient to pull off the emptiness within?


A man. In his late 20’s. He was walking differently. He was talking differently. His eyes were popped out aberrantly. His hands were crammed with two plastic mugs, few packets of ear buds, few safety pins and few cloth clips. He was pugnacious to walk to every person he saw coming out of the big glass convoluted fashion store. It would have taken a great exertion for him to pull himself together to make that walk of three to four steps. And everyone there ogled him in a mucky manner with fright and revulsion in the eyes, in their body language. Humans.

He was not ostentatious by it. At least, outwardly. What was he going through within; no one would ever bother him to ask. So-called humans were too diligent to even notice him. A man like him in a developing country like India would make a living by pleading for money. May be people would have helped him with cash. Just may be. For commiseration sake, for gaining blimey sake or for selfish needs sake. But he wanted to earn the money. As he knew well that things that are begged for has to be returned in someway or the other.

When you can’t extend love to the penurious, what is the emotion for? Someone from the crowd asking him, how much the mug cost, would have made him feel not ignored, not loved in this big bad world. At least, I thought so. We all go through heartbreaks. We all feel the pain that once, that loved us, don’t anymore. What about the feeling of no one being there for someone to extrapolate love? What about understanding the only emotion ubiquitous stalwartly around the globe, heartedness?

The loch sight of him evokes the heartedness for no reason. Unequivocally for no mistake of his.

But for him, a man like him, love is the most overrated emotion. A word coined by humans and said to exist in this world – How convenient to pull off the emptiness within them?


JN Street,

Pondicherry, India

Author’s note:

I also walked by him. With fright. But I did pull off some guts to talk to him and bought a pack of pins. I felt that he is so right about the emotion. Love is to escape the void within oneself. He didn’t need it, as he never knew it. But, I can lucidly see that he filled the abyss within for himself, unconsciously.

I fathom the void in swift of a second; A nurtured skill lately.


Sentient choice

Just a thought –

Regret isn’t good for your perishing body and wise mind.

corporate women

Whitecity Overground, London

She was looking out of the window. With a misty heavy sigh! The verdant grasses and spring tress, there is nothing more invigorating than that for a country that is condemned in winter and snow for longer duration of the year. The pace at which her life has taken the unknown unintended pole shift flabbergasts her sometimes. Well, not sometimes, always at the back of her mind. Like always.

Today, was one of those squat days for her? The scenic beauty of London is such that one’s mind creeps effortlessly into those hindered memories. Your brain knows it is forbidden but your heart eternally slithers towards them though it knows it is going to wreck you. Her thoughts were momentarily paused by a 4 years old kid. “Hello Aunty, Morning sunshines.” The serene smile on her face. It was more than mystic. She turned to her and replied, “Morning sunshines honey! How are you doing today?” The kid was lamenting about how her school is becoming hectic and parents are behind her life etc. etc. with loads of chortles and gustoes. In her mind, “ There is something about kids that I could never twig. The right that was scrupulously snatched from me and I stood there when it happened.”

It was her stop to get off the tube. She got up, pulled her attire with elegance and walked straight after she bid bye to the kid. A lovely kid. The 15 minutes walk to her work place was tormenting for her as she was trying to pull her mind away from the wedged thoughts.

Battersea Park Road, London

15 years back, she had made a sentient decision to not to have a kid. She hated the human race too much to be a part of that herd of women who aid in multiplying the human race. She was betrayed in every bearing from the age of 5. You can’t judge her for decisions. She was pinned from everywhere by the Universe. She was in love once upon a time in the same city, London. Yes, really long time back. The man made her a brick.

She was seeing the catastrophic movie that she was subjected to in her mind that was nerve-racking. She was hyperventilating. She stopped, took an anxiety tablet out and gulped it swiftly to catch her breath back. Till this day, she is envisaging on her decision being right or wrong to leave herself far behind. Even farthest stretch of her hand and soul cannot get hold of herself.

May be the girl within is satisfied. But the woman who had lost her motherhood is still weeping to her loss. It is not an easy one. Bearing a child is one of the god’s gifts to women species. She has seen her sister raise her kid amidst the tempest in her life.

It was all worth it. She knew it. Yet, the man had pushed her into a dark tunnel that she failed to climb out of. Irrespective of her at most efforts. Well, not actually one man, few men.

This one decision in her life changed so many things for her. She had lost loved ones who craved till their last breath that she would reconsider it for her own good. But it was all in vain. All these while, she had her hand on her stomach searching for the movement that can never be found.

Her Office, London

The lifts doors opened, she was automated into her stern face, authoritarian walk and that is it, and the businesswoman in her was out for a roll. She entered her cabin that had the name board, “Rhea Khan, CEO – Tedd Ltd”, one of the leading apparel groups of the western world.

She does pray everyday for the woman to RIP to not to regret of letting go of her motherhood.


Rhea Khan

CEO- Tedd Ltd,

Battersea Park, London


Just a thought –

One can never reason out other’s behaviour. Try to mend yours as the world is filled with a lot of heartless people.


Well, if you ask me to narrate one life-changing incident I have experienced till now, hmmm….there are lots (Laughs). But I would tell you my favourite one because this ruined the last bit of me with astounding intensity that resonates till today somewhere within me.

We were best friends. At least, I thought that way. And religiously, I remorse discerning that way.

Long story short, in due course of time, I fell in love with him. His charm was such that. The problem was we were best friends and we knew each other’s dark secrets. But I forgot to judge him with all those incidents and his behavior to them. I was naïve or didn’t bother. Whatever, I should have envisaged.

So, one day I voiced my feelings for him. I thought he was being really a good soul to turn it down with splendid understanding and maturity of each other’s life and family. I felt gratified of falling for a man like him. Astonishingly, in spite of spending a lot of time with him, all that I thought about him were only misconceptions. The way I got to realize that was a slap that daunted my stability to live.

Days passed after I told him that I want to be with him the rest of the life. A week later, he started becoming lovable to me. We were more than friends. Another week went by and I got to know that he had taken some of my hard works without my knowledge. It was distressing as it came as a shock.

I confronted him. I should say he is an amazing actor. I saw his true face after this phase.

He was so persuasive that he was extremely apologetic for his impulsive behavior. The week when we came close to each other emotionally, we used to discuss about “us” and “our future”  like so many couples out there. Again, I was so much far away in recognizing that I was being wrought.

We made love. Oh sorry! I made love and he was fulfilling his carnal needs and male ego. 

Like any other girl, I was incredulous to be with the love of my life. It was all-perfect till the next dawn.

The next day morning, he asked me not to get serious about this relationship. I told him I was always serious about you. He kept quite. I felt I was received wrongly. I have always spoken about marriage and our families. It was not about only physicality. In fact it was never about physicality. However, slowly and gradually, he moved away from me in an excruciating manner. I’m a sort, who fights for her rights. I fought back. It was my right to know why was our relationship falling apart and why was I ill-treated? And that let me to walk into a dark tunnel in which I’m still strolling. I was never able to push myself to come out of it.

He wanted physicality for that one night. That’s it. There was nothing more to it from his side. He was a shear bastard. He was an emotionally abuser and wanted to jostle me off, as he wanted to just get rid of me. I did leave him. His abuse was carved in that manner. There were lot of things that I wanted to voice to a person like him but somewhere I knew it was of no use.

For people like him, it will never make any difference.

I was clinically depressed for several years of my life. My family gave up on me. They struggled with me for a while and then I was orphaned. The worst bit was I lost myself too when I needed my own support for myself the most. I survived after several suicide attempts. I loathed myself for being wrong about him.

That is not a very ideal place to be in, self-loathing.

For young men out there, I would just say, if sleeping is your only motive, there are people who want that. Try to reach out only to them. Or it’s only a physical urge, there are prostitutes out there too. Do not ever play with someone’s emotions. It should be mutually a casual thing. If not, you are emotionally raping someone and if you ever can forgive yourself, you are not a human.

It took a long time for me to get stabilized for being a fool. It was not only about love, but it was also about trust, friendship, companionship and life. I couldn’t forgive myself for loving a man like him and the series of things he did to me. Because I had a choice and I chose the atrociously wrong one.

Now, it subsided though it is going to be there always within me, somewhere.

Diya Mehta,

12.25 p.m., 11th March 2015

Mumbai, India.

Author’s Note:

We made love. Oh sorry! I made love and he was fulfilling his carnal needs and ego. 

Her eyes, when she uttered that sentence had trillion ounce of pain and pang. Hard for anyone to forget. I’ll remember that for a long time.

I met this young lady in Mumbai, an air hostess with a leading airlines of India,  We made a casual conversation. I was able to relate to her the minute I was talking to her, as I had had a similar story a while back. Life is never easy after such an incident. I was proud of her to have persistence and swim across the ocean. Many don’t survive. They loose the basic ingredients to live life as it is never about love. It is about so many other things.

Young men: Do not do this ever to any girl or to her family.


Just a thought –

You make your rules. Amend it as you wish. Do not have excuses or reasons to feel right about them.

smoking girl

She woke up in his arms. There, the prodigious within her woke up too. She was wearing her cloths to get away from there. He was blinking his eyes to see what the noise was. He saw her cold and emotionless face. He knew something was wrong. He asked her and kept asking her. But, zilch he knew that she was deaf to all those. He started his plea, “Please don’t leave me. Lets talk about it. Have I had done something iniquitous that hurt you? I really love you and I don’t want us to get over like this.

She tarried. Turned around to look into his eyes, exactly 10 seconds. She looked at him like a vicious tigress that has fulfilled her hunger just then, with a sense of consummation. She grinned. He saw her incredulous. She heard his dirge and she was gone.

In her car:

“Bianca”. She heard the evocative sumptuous whisper yet again. She closed her ears with her hands.

This is the umpteenth guy, who has been humiliated by her. Every single time she feels pleasure. This pleasure has no vindication in her world. Her cab was moving along the coast, somewhere her thoughts drift to her dark past effortlessly.


“Bianca has lots of scabs that she has to reconcile before she can have a peaceful relationship”, said the doctor to her mom. I’m afraid she would keep doing this to herself if she tries to run away from them. She ought to face them.

She heard it. She also saw the drops of tears in her mom’s eyes. Coming out of the clinic, she spoke to her mom. The long awaited conversation. She assured her that she would give life another chance. No one can deter her from doing it. But you know life is a bitch.


“Bia, promise me that you would take care of yourself and your wounds from bleeding more.” She smiled. She had one of those cutest serene smiles in the world. Her innocence still locked within amidst the tempests.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to London International Airport. The local time is 1 pm and the temperature is 4 degree Celsius”

There she is in her beloved city for the first time in search of new life.

“Hi”, said Zafar, one of the cabin crewmembers. I just wanted to say you looked really beautiful with your messy hair all over your face, when you were sleeping.

She looked straight into his eyes. The spark. She had her mind voice telling her, “Stay away”. She expeditiously said thanks and fled from there to her university accommodation.

She was hunted religiously.

Being judgmental about people within you is never wrong. Voicing or allowing the judgments to influence other’s behavior is an inappropriate human nature.

Sometimes love makes you believe in those larger than life emotions. Bianca was flying in the air. Her life made sense to her. Her sufferings made sense to her. She alleged that it was all worth it.

Because she met Zafar.

Everything about Zafar made her like a whipped animal. He was a good player. She heard his heartbeats and he whispered into her ears, “Bianca”. She wished, she could tell him what it meant to her. Words can’t explicate certain human emotions. She blinked her eyes open to see him getting ready in his uniform to get to work. And he gave her the saccharine chortle possible. And there he said, “It was nice knowing you”.

Her dirge never reached his ears because it never came out of her. She was silenced once for all. Now, everything made unequivocally no sense. When was she ever efficacious in telling people that they are not only close to her heart but they are a part of it? Here goes another part. He took it in such a way that it left vicious bleeding behind.

World within her was doomed. She had to reconstruct it again. The damage done this time was amplified. She questioned her competencies in weathering in this big nasty world. She also realized that questions in life remain the same but answers to them keep changing as a human grows and evolves.

She changed her answers.


She snapped out of her thoughts and opened the newspaper.

“Zafar Khan, after 9 years of dating, finally gets married to the love of his life.”

She placed a cigarette on her feverish lips and lit it. After a puff, she said, “Motherfucking-son-of-a-bitch.” She turned the page.

Love-lust-trust-betrayal. She amended her rules for herself. Life was way easier. Meet one of the successful models of the generation – Bianca