The taste of love…

Just a thought – 

People who do not use others for their own good is becoming negligible.


ju

 

She looked into his eyes. She knew I’m too much in love.

Another mistake.

She opened up, “The beautiful feeling that blossomed within me was a deception. I met a man during his debauched phase in life. I was a seraph who could change his life. He saw I had love in my eyes. For him. The prodigious type of love.

After repetitive times of me voicing, I cannot do this. I’m not your friend. He, very diplomatically, got into a relationship that has no name.”

“It is not love. It is not friendship.”

She continued, “I felt misled yet again in life. I, of course, loved him and cared for him with my own wish. Unswervingly. Just didn’t fathom that he is delusional. I was assuming that he needs time to voice anything. Whatever it is. But I never knew he had planned it very clearly. That is what it seemed from our last conversation.”

With a long distance gazing,

He said, “ I do not need all this anymore. I’m stable now. Moreover, I never told it is a relationship. Why did you feel that way?”

Her eyes widened.

He said, “I should not have given myself absolutely to you during crunch. That was a mistake. I should have been able to handle myself.”

A drop of tear was at the corner of her eyes.

He said, “I was never comfortable hugging you. It was me who stopped it.”

She said, “ Stop.”

She had this habit of hugging him and kissing on his forehead whenever he leaves for the day. He used to beam with happiness after that kiss.

She kept pondering. Was I blind?

Practically speaking, he is at no fault. That is how the world is. The intensity of his deed is very less. But the person who was involved is a broken wreck.

You don’t tell to random people “I’m your responsibility.”

She took him too seriously because love means the world to her.

Things left within her was given to him. There are other people in his life to take her place. May be she was just a convenience factor. Now, there is no need of her.

She did voice, why these 3 months? What did I gain out of it?

His reply was astounding; “You got to spend time with the person who you love. Isn’t that a great thing?”

That very minute, she knew he was a stranger to her. She never knew him.

 It is not a good feeling to be used when needed and been thrown away mercilessly as it has become a discomfort.

Her last question to him ” Will you miss me?”

He replied, “Yes and understand this is not easy for me too. Letting you go.”

She smiled at his fakeness. 

She left him. And this time it is forever.

He told he could take care of himself.

He let her go.

She locked herself harder this time.

People are so busy using others that they even cannot see the damage they do to the other person – The world for us.

 

Riya

Platinum City

Portebello Road

London

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Cross Roads

i1

It is that time of the year, dewdrops, autumn leaves, lush colours and jaunty people around. You feel glee all around you and hence within you. She was speculating, can it ever, again be within you, hence around you. That seems a light year far behind. At a given point of time, at least a lakh people are contemplating with something or the other in life. You can find her in all of those every point of time. She hurtles happiness. In the search of prevailing happiness, she has lost quite a bit. She could never fathom herself.

Stumped to herself is her forte. Life seems a skirmish. In the busy hush of putting a bright smile on her face, the famous fake one; she forgot what is her reality and what is her fakeness. It all seems to have crossed the road, the famous road. Walking, running, crawling, driving, crippling and what not. The road has seen it all. And of course, there is more to come. But you know what, the road has picturesque imagery. Extremely irreplaceable to herself. After crossing a bit of her never-ending dark tunnel, I think she has found her next milestone. Worthy or depraved? Yet to be figured out. Is it another one of her astounding fiascoes or is this the one for which all hurtles and cascades was for?

Her lovely full lips curved a bit with this thought. The last time she thought the same; she was at the verge of death. Though she quivered the thought, she didn’t stop herself or should I say she couldn’t stop herself. Thou are Love. Because love doesn’t let you to. Whatsoever. Her eyes shifted from the swans of the serpentine lake to the guy walking across in the grey jacket. Breeze burnt her skin a jiff. She could feel her body warm up. The cosy love one. He waved at her with loads of love in his eyes. Those smiles and eyes, damn, those made her cross all her inhibitions. The irrefutable love oozing out of them, she could die for. She was all set for the new lessons of her life. Was she?

Their fingers weaved together. They started their walk together around Hype Park. They were endowed with love, just love.

Sara,

12th Feb 2017,

Hyde Park, England,

London

 

 

Barren

Just a thought –

One can never reason out other’s behaviour. Try to mend yours as the world is filled with a lot of heartless people.

classy-woman

Well, if you ask me to narrate one life-changing incident I have experienced till now, hmmm….there are lots (Laughs). But I would tell you my favourite one because this ruined the last bit of me with astounding intensity that resonates till today somewhere within me.

We were best friends. At least, I thought that way. And religiously, I remorse discerning that way.

Long story short, in due course of time, I fell in love with him. His charm was such that. The problem was we were best friends and we knew each other’s dark secrets. But I forgot to judge him with all those incidents and his behavior to them. I was naïve or didn’t bother. Whatever, I should have envisaged.

So, one day I voiced my feelings for him. I thought he was being really a good soul to turn it down with splendid understanding and maturity of each other’s life and family. I felt gratified of falling for a man like him. Astonishingly, in spite of spending a lot of time with him, all that I thought about him were only misconceptions. The way I got to realize that was a slap that daunted my stability to live.

Days passed after I told him that I want to be with him the rest of the life. A week later, he started becoming lovable to me. We were more than friends. Another week went by and I got to know that he had taken some of my hard works without my knowledge. It was distressing as it came as a shock.

I confronted him. I should say he is an amazing actor. I saw his true face after this phase.

He was so persuasive that he was extremely apologetic for his impulsive behavior. The week when we came close to each other emotionally, we used to discuss about “us” and “our future”  like so many couples out there. Again, I was so much far away in recognizing that I was being wrought.

We made love. Oh sorry! I made love and he was fulfilling his carnal needs and male ego. 

Like any other girl, I was incredulous to be with the love of my life. It was all-perfect till the next dawn.

The next day morning, he asked me not to get serious about this relationship. I told him I was always serious about you. He kept quite. I felt I was received wrongly. I have always spoken about marriage and our families. It was not about only physicality. In fact it was never about physicality. However, slowly and gradually, he moved away from me in an excruciating manner. I’m a sort, who fights for her rights. I fought back. It was my right to know why was our relationship falling apart and why was I ill-treated? And that let me to walk into a dark tunnel in which I’m still strolling. I was never able to push myself to come out of it.

He wanted physicality for that one night. That’s it. There was nothing more to it from his side. He was a shear bastard. He was an emotionally abuser and wanted to jostle me off, as he wanted to just get rid of me. I did leave him. His abuse was carved in that manner. There were lot of things that I wanted to voice to a person like him but somewhere I knew it was of no use.

For people like him, it will never make any difference.

I was clinically depressed for several years of my life. My family gave up on me. They struggled with me for a while and then I was orphaned. The worst bit was I lost myself too when I needed my own support for myself the most. I survived after several suicide attempts. I loathed myself for being wrong about him.

That is not a very ideal place to be in, self-loathing.

For young men out there, I would just say, if sleeping is your only motive, there are people who want that. Try to reach out only to them. Or it’s only a physical urge, there are prostitutes out there too. Do not ever play with someone’s emotions. It should be mutually a casual thing. If not, you are emotionally raping someone and if you ever can forgive yourself, you are not a human.

It took a long time for me to get stabilized for being a fool. It was not only about love, but it was also about trust, friendship, companionship and life. I couldn’t forgive myself for loving a man like him and the series of things he did to me. Because I had a choice and I chose the atrociously wrong one.

Now, it subsided though it is going to be there always within me, somewhere.

Diya Mehta,

12.25 p.m., 11th March 2015

Mumbai, India.

Author’s Note:

We made love. Oh sorry! I made love and he was fulfilling his carnal needs and ego. 

Her eyes, when she uttered that sentence had trillion ounce of pain and pang. Hard for anyone to forget. I’ll remember that for a long time.

I met this young lady in Mumbai, an air hostess with a leading airlines of India,  We made a casual conversation. I was able to relate to her the minute I was talking to her, as I had had a similar story a while back. Life is never easy after such an incident. I was proud of her to have persistence and swim across the ocean. Many don’t survive. They loose the basic ingredients to live life as it is never about love. It is about so many other things.

Young men: Do not do this ever to any girl or to her family.