Just a thought –
Regret isn’t good for your perishing body and wise mind.
Whitecity Overground, London
She was looking out of the window. With a misty heavy sigh! The verdant grasses and spring tress, there is nothing more invigorating than that for a country that is condemned in winter and snow for longer duration of the year. The pace at which her life has taken the unknown unintended pole shift flabbergasts her sometimes. Well, not sometimes, always at the back of her mind. Like always.
Today, was one of those squat days for her? The scenic beauty of London is such that one’s mind creeps effortlessly into those hindered memories. Your brain knows it is forbidden but your heart eternally slithers towards them though it knows it is going to wreck you. Her thoughts were momentarily paused by a 4 years old kid. “Hello Aunty, Morning sunshines.” The serene smile on her face. It was more than mystic. She turned to her and replied, “Morning sunshines honey! How are you doing today?” The kid was lamenting about how her school is becoming hectic and parents are behind her life etc. etc. with loads of chortles and gustoes. In her mind, “ There is something about kids that I could never twig. The right that was scrupulously snatched from me and I stood there when it happened.”
It was her stop to get off the tube. She got up, pulled her attire with elegance and walked straight after she bid bye to the kid. A lovely kid. The 15 minutes walk to her work place was tormenting for her as she was trying to pull her mind away from the wedged thoughts.
Battersea Park Road, London
15 years back, she had made a sentient decision to not to have a kid. She hated the human race too much to be a part of that herd of women who aid in multiplying the human race. She was betrayed in every bearing from the age of 5. You can’t judge her for decisions. She was pinned from everywhere by the Universe. She was in love once upon a time in the same city, London. Yes, really long time back. The man made her a brick.
She was seeing the catastrophic movie that she was subjected to in her mind that was nerve-racking. She was hyperventilating. She stopped, took an anxiety tablet out and gulped it swiftly to catch her breath back. Till this day, she is envisaging on her decision being right or wrong to leave herself far behind. Even farthest stretch of her hand and soul cannot get hold of herself.
May be the girl within is satisfied. But the woman who had lost her motherhood is still weeping to her loss. It is not an easy one. Bearing a child is one of the god’s gifts to women species. She has seen her sister raise her kid amidst the tempest in her life.
It was all worth it. She knew it. Yet, the man had pushed her into a dark tunnel that she failed to climb out of. Irrespective of her at most efforts. Well, not actually one man, few men.
This one decision in her life changed so many things for her. She had lost loved ones who craved till their last breath that she would reconsider it for her own good. But it was all in vain. All these while, she had her hand on her stomach searching for the movement that can never be found.
Her Office, London
The lifts doors opened, she was automated into her stern face, authoritarian walk and that is it, and the businesswoman in her was out for a roll. She entered her cabin that had the name board, “Rhea Khan, CEO – Tedd Ltd”, one of the leading apparel groups of the western world.
She does pray everyday for the woman to RIP to not to regret of letting go of her motherhood.
CEO- Tedd Ltd,
Battersea Park, London