One’s own feats

Just a thought –

The feel of “regret”, sometimes, is obligatory for yours and other’s life.

thoughts-girl-lake

The world out there is a unification of a race, that complicate a humble life. This is nothing novel. The attention-grabbing trait is, how the human qualities are sinking.

A layman is capable of blaspheming someone or something to an inconceivable level.

It comes so naturally to people nowadays. It doesn’t even take a whiplash second to digest their act. And every one of us gets away with these lines, “I’m a human too and I tend to make mistakes. What is the big deal?”

Some argue that it is dependent on how the kid is nurtured. With smirks, you again can’t get away by pointing figure at someone else.

I recently came across a person, who I venerated and ended up with abhorrence. It is not about the concept of people change. For all I know, change is constant. It is about how few people are upright at feigning and how few people are naïve. Believe me, being naïve is errant.

I often ponder on the thought, if only emotional exploitation is indictable, how many would dare to do it? Again, it is not about making it unlawful but it is vouching upon the probability of how many would knock their cognizance before doing something atrocious to another being.

I can bet on the fact that this person I came across in the journey of life, would be the cheapest I can ever combat. Simply because this person had all of it. Getting to know this person, I’m assuming the level of being cheap grows with time rather than diminishing and trying to be a better person. Fascinating fact is that this person makes sure that the same thing is reiterated with more intensity later in life. I have been a prey, there were many earlier and would be more too. It took ages for me to get over this priceless experience and compromise on my idiocy. I call it priceless experience because I’m a utopian. It did break me, but I made sure to pick every single piece up.

What was the most infuriating truth? The person was not sorry for what was done. The person’s feats annihilated a girl. A family. A dream. A life. A hope. A promise. A wish. However, all these unseen stooges, didn’t mean anything to anyone. It was all obscured. Perpetually. The person, who did this, was simply not even sorry about it. Not even sorry. The least, a human can emote for his callous acts. All that the person chose to do was to pelt. The person never turned back to see what happened to all of them.

But how does it matter?

I discern that it doesn’t matter. When it matters, if it matters, the person would be in front of each victim at some point in life. Regret. For one’s own feats.

It will. Someday.

The person will pay for his peccadillos.

Priya

St. James Church

London

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Muzzled within!

Just a thought –

Allow people to walk out of your life. It gives you an opportunity to evaluate relationships and yourself.

4647693438_e3ef058cb9_bA page in “her” diary:

Love is all about tiny gestures of care. I know his care for me. I have seen it, felt it and lived it. Two years of “the unsaid” yet said relationship. Life seems a fairy tale when one is in love. But I never knew this would change into the worst phase. When things changed between us, I saw the reality of the relationship we shared. The “real him”.

The decision to choose mottled paths in life slowly injected so much pain within me that I started questioning, every act of his. It was not my decision to leave the beautiful relationship far behind. Though the reasons seemed to be very practical, I couldn’t compromise on the fact that he didn’t want to try. A spineless man could be more perilous than anyone. He was spineless. Things came to a point that “I never loved me”, “there is no use of you in my life anymore”, “when did I say that I’m in love with you”, “you can’t really do anything to me because I have decided to leave you” and so on.

A woman is always expected to be strong by this man made world. I know I’m strong. But is being strong is to keep quite to the emotional exploitation by men? I was exploited in the name of love. It was a conscious decision, as I believed in love, in him. It was such an illusion. He proved to be a perfect player. When exquisite thing like love is got without any struggle in life, you don’t tend to realize its worth. He was one of those kinds. When the girl goes beyond a tolerable level to be serious about him, he has his plans to behave and treat her in a way that she gets hurt and moves away by herself. He did exactly the same to me and he chose to run away. It is there in some people’s DNA.

How does it feel? To endure that “treatment” and “behaviour”. Not at all an easy one. The person you had loved a lot chooses to leave you behind to safeguard themselves from their guilt. In the name of family, religion, circumstances, career or whatever? A complete exit that it appears that you were never a part of his life. Not a new story in this big world. It is so common that people refuse to emote to this kind of news. They pat their lashes with this sentence “Grow up and move on”. Out of all this, the most excruciating bit was, he never bothered to alter the perception of him in me ever after that.

It is not to do with relationship it is about a lot more within me, about me. How much ever I drone about it, I can’t make people care or change. This entire experience in my life has changed me as an individual. I’m muzzled within. He took away an integral part of me. I will never be the same. Being called the emotional one, I’m the one to be blamed and I did blame myself for being blind in love.

I changed. I started existing than living and it pained so much less.

Note:

I came across a Londoner who shared the above, most personal happenings of her life. We became friends in London underground. The red flowers that I had in my hand was the reason for her to talk to me. She envied me for having such a good friend who had gifted me that. This is how our friendship started.

Her story made me wonder how many girls are out there who were subjected to such life altering experiences. I also often ponder on the thought if the person who are a reason for such a change in someone comes to know what they have done, will they be able to forgive themselves or would be callous to just go on with life like most of us do?

Poisonous Love!

Just a thought –

Sometimes, you stop and look around to witness the obliteration you have caused to the person who cared for you the most, just to realize that you can never forgive yourself for the inhumanness in you.

man

She stood there frozen. Her lemon shaped eyes, wide open with pearls of tears rolling down in a grotesquely slow haste.

He touched her. Her body was cold and soul was withered. Blood oozing out of the nerve, her petite body lay there, lifeless. He was inert with only his hands wobbling with the sheet of note left for him to ruminate for the days to come.

Past:

He said to his friend, “There she is! Oh god! I was just waiting for this minute of the day (winks).” Their eyes met for few minutes.

Jia, the nerd. She likes to be cut off from the world. She had tweaked herself to be in solitary. Arjun, the Lothario, chased her, as he wanted to vanquish her to boost his male ego. She had once proved him that she was better than him, in the most imperturbable way possible but she never knew that his ego was hurt in the whole episode. He was heroic to make her bend to him. It wasn’t hard for a charmer like him. She fell for him. For the most beautiful person she had beheld in him. She was in love with that hidden personality of his. Somewhere, at a sub-conscious level, he was falling in love with her too. But his pride never allowed him to see it. He wanted to just conquer her.

After knowing him too well for a year, Jia was recklessly in love with him. Now, he owned her and her soul. It was chaste maneuverings of emotions, a brutal act, if only she knew what was coming her way. It was that beautiful day of her life. She was unwinding the woman in her to him. Jia and Arjun made love.

Present:

In her heart wrecking thoughts, “It’s been two weeks since I heard anything from him. He is not answering my calls too. I hope he is fine.” She was completely ignored by him after the most beautiful day of her life. She didn’t loose faith. She has perseverance. After unremitting dogging away acts by him and cruel emotional traumas, she decided to confront him. She went in search of him.

Arjun, “Oh come on! When did I ever tell her that I love her or I’m going to marry her? I wanted revenge and I took it this way. Hey! Listen to the details now.” His friends, “ Hahahaha….really? You are a real stud bro!”

She stood there frozen. Her lemon shaped eyes wide open with pearls of tears rolling down in a grotesquely slow haste.

In a while, his phone rang. The world below his feet slipped away. He ran like a maniac.

He touched her. Her body was cold and soul was withered. Blood oozing out of the nerve, her petite body lay there, lifeless. He was inert with only his hands wobbling with the sheet of note left for him to ruminate for the days to come.

The note:

I knew this intension of yours long back. I chose to be canopy to it, as I believed in you and in my love for you. I couldn’t have had a more beautiful reason than this to give up on life. I’m thankful to the Lord. I would plea you to not to do this to anyone else, as I want to be the last gaffe in your life. I wish you had respected the woman in me if not the love.

I love you. I really do.

Jia

Arjun was cramped for rest of his days in the prison called “life”.