Malicious

Just a thought –

Isn’t love the most overrated emotion? A word coined by humans and said to be existing in this world – How convenient to pull off the emptiness within?

Behind-my-mask

A man. In his late 20’s. He was walking differently. He was talking differently. His eyes were popped out aberrantly. His hands were crammed with two plastic mugs, few packets of ear buds, few safety pins and few cloth clips. He was pugnacious to walk to every person he saw coming out of the big glass convoluted fashion store. It would have taken a great exertion for him to pull himself together to make that walk of three to four steps. And everyone there ogled him in a mucky manner with fright and revulsion in the eyes, in their body language. Humans.

He was not ostentatious by it. At least, outwardly. What was he going through within; no one would ever bother him to ask. So-called humans were too diligent to even notice him. A man like him in a developing country like India would make a living by pleading for money. May be people would have helped him with cash. Just may be. For commiseration sake, for gaining blimey sake or for selfish needs sake. But he wanted to earn the money. As he knew well that things that are begged for has to be returned in someway or the other.

When you can’t extend love to the penurious, what is the emotion for? Someone from the crowd asking him, how much the mug cost, would have made him feel not ignored, not loved in this big bad world. At least, I thought so. We all go through heartbreaks. We all feel the pain that once, that loved us, don’t anymore. What about the feeling of no one being there for someone to extrapolate love? What about understanding the only emotion ubiquitous stalwartly around the globe, heartedness?

The loch sight of him evokes the heartedness for no reason. Unequivocally for no mistake of his.

But for him, a man like him, love is the most overrated emotion. A word coined by humans and said to exist in this world – How convenient to pull off the emptiness within them?

Riya

JN Street,

Pondicherry, India

Author’s note:

I also walked by him. With fright. But I did pull off some guts to talk to him and bought a pack of pins. I felt that he is so right about the emotion. Love is to escape the void within oneself. He didn’t need it, as he never knew it. But, I can lucidly see that he filled the abyss within for himself, unconsciously.

I fathom the void in swift of a second; A nurtured skill lately.

 

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Barren

Just a thought –

One can never reason out other’s behaviour. Try to mend yours as the world is filled with a lot of heartless people.

classy-woman

Well, if you ask me to narrate one life-changing incident I have experienced till now, hmmm….there are lots (Laughs). But I would tell you my favourite one because this ruined the last bit of me with astounding intensity that resonates till today somewhere within me.

We were best friends. At least, I thought that way. And religiously, I remorse discerning that way.

Long story short, in due course of time, I fell in love with him. His charm was such that. The problem was we were best friends and we knew each other’s dark secrets. But I forgot to judge him with all those incidents and his behavior to them. I was naïve or didn’t bother. Whatever, I should have envisaged.

So, one day I voiced my feelings for him. I thought he was being really a good soul to turn it down with splendid understanding and maturity of each other’s life and family. I felt gratified of falling for a man like him. Astonishingly, in spite of spending a lot of time with him, all that I thought about him were only misconceptions. The way I got to realize that was a slap that daunted my stability to live.

Days passed after I told him that I want to be with him the rest of the life. A week later, he started becoming lovable to me. We were more than friends. Another week went by and I got to know that he had taken some of my hard works without my knowledge. It was distressing as it came as a shock.

I confronted him. I should say he is an amazing actor. I saw his true face after this phase.

He was so persuasive that he was extremely apologetic for his impulsive behavior. The week when we came close to each other emotionally, we used to discuss about “us” and “our future”  like so many couples out there. Again, I was so much far away in recognizing that I was being wrought.

We made love. Oh sorry! I made love and he was fulfilling his carnal needs and male ego. 

Like any other girl, I was incredulous to be with the love of my life. It was all-perfect till the next dawn.

The next day morning, he asked me not to get serious about this relationship. I told him I was always serious about you. He kept quite. I felt I was received wrongly. I have always spoken about marriage and our families. It was not about only physicality. In fact it was never about physicality. However, slowly and gradually, he moved away from me in an excruciating manner. I’m a sort, who fights for her rights. I fought back. It was my right to know why was our relationship falling apart and why was I ill-treated? And that let me to walk into a dark tunnel in which I’m still strolling. I was never able to push myself to come out of it.

He wanted physicality for that one night. That’s it. There was nothing more to it from his side. He was a shear bastard. He was an emotionally abuser and wanted to jostle me off, as he wanted to just get rid of me. I did leave him. His abuse was carved in that manner. There were lot of things that I wanted to voice to a person like him but somewhere I knew it was of no use.

For people like him, it will never make any difference.

I was clinically depressed for several years of my life. My family gave up on me. They struggled with me for a while and then I was orphaned. The worst bit was I lost myself too when I needed my own support for myself the most. I survived after several suicide attempts. I loathed myself for being wrong about him.

That is not a very ideal place to be in, self-loathing.

For young men out there, I would just say, if sleeping is your only motive, there are people who want that. Try to reach out only to them. Or it’s only a physical urge, there are prostitutes out there too. Do not ever play with someone’s emotions. It should be mutually a casual thing. If not, you are emotionally raping someone and if you ever can forgive yourself, you are not a human.

It took a long time for me to get stabilized for being a fool. It was not only about love, but it was also about trust, friendship, companionship and life. I couldn’t forgive myself for loving a man like him and the series of things he did to me. Because I had a choice and I chose the atrociously wrong one.

Now, it subsided though it is going to be there always within me, somewhere.

Diya Mehta,

12.25 p.m., 11th March 2015

Mumbai, India.

Author’s Note:

We made love. Oh sorry! I made love and he was fulfilling his carnal needs and ego. 

Her eyes, when she uttered that sentence had trillion ounce of pain and pang. Hard for anyone to forget. I’ll remember that for a long time.

I met this young lady in Mumbai, an air hostess with a leading airlines of India,  We made a casual conversation. I was able to relate to her the minute I was talking to her, as I had had a similar story a while back. Life is never easy after such an incident. I was proud of her to have persistence and swim across the ocean. Many don’t survive. They loose the basic ingredients to live life as it is never about love. It is about so many other things.

Young men: Do not do this ever to any girl or to her family.

Poisonous Love!

Just a thought –

Sometimes, you stop and look around to witness the obliteration you have caused to the person who cared for you the most, just to realize that you can never forgive yourself for the inhumanness in you.

man

She stood there frozen. Her lemon shaped eyes, wide open with pearls of tears rolling down in a grotesquely slow haste.

He touched her. Her body was cold and soul was withered. Blood oozing out of the nerve, her petite body lay there, lifeless. He was inert with only his hands wobbling with the sheet of note left for him to ruminate for the days to come.

Past:

He said to his friend, “There she is! Oh god! I was just waiting for this minute of the day (winks).” Their eyes met for few minutes.

Jia, the nerd. She likes to be cut off from the world. She had tweaked herself to be in solitary. Arjun, the Lothario, chased her, as he wanted to vanquish her to boost his male ego. She had once proved him that she was better than him, in the most imperturbable way possible but she never knew that his ego was hurt in the whole episode. He was heroic to make her bend to him. It wasn’t hard for a charmer like him. She fell for him. For the most beautiful person she had beheld in him. She was in love with that hidden personality of his. Somewhere, at a sub-conscious level, he was falling in love with her too. But his pride never allowed him to see it. He wanted to just conquer her.

After knowing him too well for a year, Jia was recklessly in love with him. Now, he owned her and her soul. It was chaste maneuverings of emotions, a brutal act, if only she knew what was coming her way. It was that beautiful day of her life. She was unwinding the woman in her to him. Jia and Arjun made love.

Present:

In her heart wrecking thoughts, “It’s been two weeks since I heard anything from him. He is not answering my calls too. I hope he is fine.” She was completely ignored by him after the most beautiful day of her life. She didn’t loose faith. She has perseverance. After unremitting dogging away acts by him and cruel emotional traumas, she decided to confront him. She went in search of him.

Arjun, “Oh come on! When did I ever tell her that I love her or I’m going to marry her? I wanted revenge and I took it this way. Hey! Listen to the details now.” His friends, “ Hahahaha….really? You are a real stud bro!”

She stood there frozen. Her lemon shaped eyes wide open with pearls of tears rolling down in a grotesquely slow haste.

In a while, his phone rang. The world below his feet slipped away. He ran like a maniac.

He touched her. Her body was cold and soul was withered. Blood oozing out of the nerve, her petite body lay there, lifeless. He was inert with only his hands wobbling with the sheet of note left for him to ruminate for the days to come.

The note:

I knew this intension of yours long back. I chose to be canopy to it, as I believed in you and in my love for you. I couldn’t have had a more beautiful reason than this to give up on life. I’m thankful to the Lord. I would plea you to not to do this to anyone else, as I want to be the last gaffe in your life. I wish you had respected the woman in me if not the love.

I love you. I really do.

Jia

Arjun was cramped for rest of his days in the prison called “life”.